Do these 3 things to beat self-doubt
Imagine this… your up next for the presentation. You take a deep breath all the way down to your stomach to calm yourself down, and then… HA, do you really think that breathing deeply is going to help your awful presentation? I mean, who are you pretending to be, the Dalai Lama?
While you’re trying to keep the voice quiet by ignoring it, it only gets louder… Do you really think that your new blouse is fooling anyone? They can all tell that you’re a try hard.
You have an inner critical voice that sabotages your talents and well being. Maybe you haven’t been aware of it before now, but this is why you doubt yourself. But now that you’re aware of it (thank god) let’s shift things around!
No, there is nothing wrong with you, everybody has a voice that is critical and mean like the stepmother from Cinderella. But you need to watch out for this voice so you can change it. Or else it’s going to run your life, without you knowing it. More importantly, if you let your critical inner voice tell you that you’re a loser, a disappointment, or a failure then that’s exactly who you’ll become. When you’re faced with a challenge like speaking in front of, well anybody, you’ll act like a loser, a disappointment or a failure.
So give me a vote. Are you with me on putting your critical inner voice on an airplane without a return ticket?
Where does your inner critical voice come from?
Before we get into this deeper, grab a cup of warm tea.. snuggle up in a blanket. Make yourself comfortable because this can be a sensitive one.. It’s going to involve your parents.
Believe it or not, when your parents told you ‘honey, eat your veggies or you won’t get your bag of greasy Doritos’ it played a huge role in the way you think today.
‘What do greasy Doritos have to do with my self-critical thinking?’
Nothing, but your parent’s way of parenting do!
Let me explain this better.
Imagine you’re back on the school bench again and your teacher picks up the chalk. The squeaky sound from the chalk against the blackboard gives you goosebumps like nothing else..
Alright, I’m done torturing you now, back to reality.
‘Today we are going to talk about your super-ego’ she says while pushing her glasses in place.
‘Your super-ego is the part of you that tells you not to laugh loud, and that your pink socks look silly. It tells you that the saying “the sky is the limit” is bullshit and that you should just be happy with what you have right now. It won’t get better than this.’
Thanks for that explanation Mrs. Gleeful I’d like to take it from here.
Since we’re almost bff’s now I’d like to share a personal story with you from my childhood.
Even though my mamma is the bomb dot com, she stresses out like nothing else when she’s late for a party. To her, being late is very disrespectful and it makes her feel embarrassed. Therefore I was taught as a child to always be on time.
Guess who’s now a stress bomb when she’s about to be late for a party?
That’s right. Me.
See how this works? Whatever you were told or saw as a child your super-ego picked it up. Has anyone ever told you ‘You remind me so much of your mother!’? This is why, because we’re usually a true copy of our parent’s.
Even though your parents have done their very best to raise you, it’s important to remember that not everything you were taught as a child, serves you as an adult. Therefore it is very important to pay attention to this inner critical voice so that you can get rid of the self-doubt that is holding you back.
Did you want to master speaking in front of your co-workers? Then now it’s time to take action!
To help you recognize and change your critical voice, I have created an easy to follow step by step guide for you!
Step nr. 1
To beat self-doubt you can’t let your critical inner voice get away with bullying you every day. From now on this is a bully-free zone. So please answer some questions about yourself in this exercise. Bring out your favorite journal and write them down.
Answer these questions:
- What am I having a hard time accepting about myself?
- What situations make you feel bad about yourself
- In what situations do you doubt yourself?
This will kick-start you to become more aware of when you doubt yourself. I encourage you to continue this throughout the next 7 days. Everytime you recognize a negative thought, write it down.
Step nr. 2
The German spiritual leader and author Eckhart Tolle believes that we spend a lot of time creating feelings and thoughts that give ourselves pain. It becomes a part of us and it sits there, ready to take away your happiness. When you feed it with negative words and thoughts it grows bigger.
As an example; Imagine you’re having a blast with your love. You giggling because of a joke he says and you’re twirling your hair around your finger to look cute. But then your inner critical voice reminds you that it’ll all go wrong, that you’re not as great as he thought, and that he will leave you. So you better stop being so happy and prepare yourself for this. As a result, you run to the bathroom and miss the romantic kiss he was about to give you.
To get rid of this self-doubt it’s very helpful to give your critical voice a face. By giving it a face, it automatically becomes a separate part of you and it’ll be easier to recognize that the negative words that come out of its mouth aren’t true.
This exercise is so good for this, so bring out your journal again and some crayons because it’s time to get creative and have some fun!
As an extension to the first exercise, I asked you to do, I now want you to imagine how your monster looks based on how you answered my questions. Because now you’re going to draw your monster!
How does it look? Is it a troll? Or a snake? It could also be a human. You decide, whatever you feel describes your monster the best.
Give your monster a name. What is it wearing? Be very specific.
Now, don’t let your super-ego tell you that this is silly! It is a very important step, so ask it to go away.
Step nr. 3
Now that you have recognized your inner monster, it will be a lot easier for you to recognize that it isn’t you. So now it is time for you to replace the mean words with caring and loving ones.
If your monster tells you that you are going to fail your presentation tell yourself “I’ve got this and I’m gonna blow their pants off”. By swapping out negative words with positive ones, the negative words will eventually disappear. Therefore it’s very important to practice this every day for lasting results.
Asta la vista, Monster!
Comment below and let me know how your monster look and what are you going to tell yourself to beat your self-doubt?
For a more in-depth post on this and how to re-parent your inner child, Click here