How to be yourself and find self-confidence
Have you ever met someone who touched you deeply by being themselves? That’s the quality I admire most in other people. Being carefree and embarrassing everything others try to hide. That’s what I call freedom. I mention this because it made me think of a time someone asked me to describe who I am. For many years I would have a robotic answer “I’m always happy, positive and hardworking”. If your eyebrow rose I don’t blame you because what does this tell someone about me? That I’m trying to present myself as a polished doll.
Having a hard time accepting yourself is normal yet it stands in your way of kicking ass in life. More so imagine having to live up to always be a certain way? Yikes, your self-esteem won’t get better this way.
Why is it important to be yourself instead of putting a face on?
When you try to put your personality traits into words it’s like highlighting a text in a school book. You only highlight what’s most important and what might get you an A. It’s the same in the real world. When I have a conversation with a co-worker, I wanna put on my best face, laugh louder and tell more jokes. You know why? Because it’s important to me that they like me, as it is to 99% of the world.
Unfortunately, our desire to be liked takes away our power to be our authentic selves. More so it gives us a narrow view on who we are ‘allowed’ to be. Meeting someone who’s authentic these days is like finding a needle in a haystack… almost impossible. You might not be aware but you alter yourself depending on who you spend time with. It ain’t easy to find your way back to your authentic self but it’s possible. To do this you gotta allow yourself to be more than a perfect image. You gotta acknowledge that a human being is more than happy and that it’s okay to be more and show more. On that note, I wanna share a quote with you that’s powerful and encourage you to be yourself.
‘Come as you are’.
Wow, it hits me in the right spot every time. No more putting on a fake face, no more pretending to be someone you’re not. Come as YOU are. It can be frightening and you’ll have to find courage, but it’ll also be the best gift you’ve given yourself. So take action now and follow my step by step guide down below.
Step 1. Create a new image of yourself
Describing your personality traits can be a challenge. First, you don’t spend much time thinking about it and second, you deny many sides of yourself.
This exercise will challenge you to see yourself as a whole person. Imagine that you’re a puzzle and every piece of the puzzle represent a part of who you are. It’s important that you don’t deny any parts of yourself. Stay open and non-judging and accept any words that come through.
Let me show you how my puzzle looks.
I Am: Tough, soft, good at setting boundaries, scared of setting boundaries, angry, happy, caring, self-centered and self-less.
This list could be a page long but I wanted to give an idea of how my puzzle looks. I’m many things and I’m not perfect. I’m a human and I’m enough the way I am.
So who are you?
Step nr 2. Do you change yourself?
On your journey to be yourself it’s important that you pay attention to when you change behavior and why you do it.
Is it specific people that make you feel like you need to put a face on? What feelings inside of you makes you think that you have to be different?
Carry a small notebook with you or use the notes in your phone to put down any thoughts and observations you make. Reflect on what you found out at the end of each day.
Step Nr 3. Show up with love
Now it’s time to practice staying true to yourself.
1. You’ve made a puzzle that represents who you are. 2. You’ve identified when you get triggered to act different. 3. Now it’s time to show up for yourself and stay true to you.
When you feel like changing who you are or putting on a face, it’s because you believe that you’re not good enough. So you need to shift you inner voice telling you:
“Say something funny or he’ll be bored and not wanna hang out with you”.
Tell yourself this instead:
‘I’m enough. Every part of me is lovable and I will stand in my truth’.
Go back to your journal and reflect upon why you felt the need to change and what kind and supportive words you can tell yourself instead.
This will take practice and courage. You might even feel resistance but I want you to be brave and trust yourself and this journey.
I hand-selected this meditation for you because I believe that this will kick off your journey and work perfectly hand in hand with this exercises given above.
Give it a try and let me know in the comments below how you felt and how it helped you on your journey.
What words are in your puzzle? Let me know in the comments below!
Related reading: Do these 3 things to beat self doubt