Why are you scared of standing up for yourself?
When you’re faced with a choice to either speak up or stay quiet a specific fear will come to mind. Will she still like me if I tell her that this isn’t okay?
Imagine that you wake up with bloodshot eyes and drag your feet into the kitchen. You see the mac n’ cheese casserole from last night is still sticky in the sink. Even though your honey promised that it would be clean and in the cabinet when you woke up.
If you’re in the honeymoon face you’ll swallow your disappointment. Your relationships still new and you don’t wanna cause trouble. So you take a deep breath, suck it up and grab a sponge. Yet, if it’s your husband of 24 years you won’t hesitate and yell “You promised to do the dishes last night? You know I’ve had a terrible nights sleep and I’ve got a french fry stuck in my hair from always cooking. If you don’t come down here and clean up the freaking mac n’ cheese you can pack up your shit and leave.”
It’ll always be easier to speak up to a person you know won’t leave you like your mom, your spouse or your best friend. The times it becomes tricky is if you’re unhappy with your boss, your neighbor or your teacher. The fear of them firing you, giving you a bad grade or letting their dog poop in your front lawn can be enough for you to stay quiet.
What happens if you set boundaries?
I wanna share I quote that I love by Brene Brown. “The most compassionate people that I have interviewed were also the absolutely most bounderied”.
Brene explains that if we don’t set boundaries and tell people what they can and can not do, we become resentful and hateful. Meaning if you don’t tell your boyfriend that you’re disappointed that he didn’t do the dishes 1. he might do it again because you didn’t say anything and 2. you’ll end up annoyed with him because you’ll think he’s doing it on purpose.
Yet if you choose to kiss him on the cheek and say: “Honey, it makes me sad when you tell me you’ll clean up the mac n’ cheese and then you don’t”. He’ll grab your hand and say “My bad I forgot. I’ll do it right now”.
Because you set this boundary you’ll be more kind and loving towards him.
Setting boundaries is a challenge. Yet imagine telling someone to kindly respect you? This will leave you with utter love for yourself and that person. I say it’s a win-win.
When people know what you like and dislike it’s easier for them to love you.
I was once traveling with a friend and I thought everything was swell. But when we came home I found out that she’d been texting our mutual friend. She was unhappy on our trip but didn’t tell me. Finding out that she’d been complaining to someone else made me uncomfortable and angry. How was I supposed to know when she chose not to talk about it?
This made me unsure of her because now I never know if she speeks the truth or not. See how honesty would have been best for everybody?
And let me tell ya, I haven’t shared my bag of cinnamon rolls with her since. Being upfront with your feelings will do more good than bad, trust me.