5 ways to find motivation and change your life
Ever found yourself wanting to change your life, but missing the motivation to actually do the work?
Don’t worry, this has been a struggle of mine for yeeeears. I’ve spent plenty of late nights in dull light with my notebook and a pen planning projects and goals I wanted to reach. Yet when I woke up the next morning I thought to myself “I don’t feel like doing it anyways”.
For me building self-confidence has been my main goal for years and even though I swear by having daily self-care practices that will help me with building self-confidence. I really struggled and often found myself on the couch watching Netflix instead of doing what I was supposed to.
However, now I’ve found a foolproof method that contains 5 ways to keep you motivated and reach your goals.
1. What 3 psychological factors needs to be met to feel motivation?
When you want to find motivation there are 3 important psychological factors that needs to be met.
Nr. 1: The first is competence, which means having the required skill it takes to achieve your goal. It’s important not to set a goal that’s so high that it’s unrealistic to achieve. On the flip side, you shouldn’t set a goal that’s so low that it’s very easily achieved. Your goal should be challenging but still achievable.
So how do you know if you set the right goal? Choose a date you need to have achieved this goal. If you achieved it, then your goal was appropriate. But if you didn’t then you know that you set a goal that was too high and that it needs to be more realistic.
I personally think it’s hard to set realistic goals because I’m such an over achiever. However, if you’re anything like me I want you to remember that no goal is too small. Your main goal is to get it done. If you can’t get it done, your goal is too big.
Nr. 2: Have you ever been surrounded by people who didn’t support you? How did that make you feel? Uncomfortable? Insecure?
When you try to reach a goal, you’re naturally vulnerable. That’s why it’s super duper DUPER important to surround yourself with people who make you feel safe. You gotta find your superstar supporters who wants the best for you and who’ll do anything to help you achieve your goal.
If you’re in an unhealthy and uncomfortable environment, you’re much less likely to find motivation to achieve your goals. I’ll give you an example of why that is:
Imagine this, it’s a new year and you’ve set a goal to shred some pounds. You’re tired of scrolling mindlessly on Instagram looking at fit girls, and you’d much rather look yourself in the mirror and see a bombshell.
However, as you were eating carrot sticks in your bed last night while flexing your butt muscles, you got a text asking you to come over and have a girl’s night in. You moan because you don’t want to miss out on the fun, but you know there will be plenty of temptations. In the end, you choose to go because “What’s the worst that can happen?”.
When you get there, there’re big bowls of crispy Doritos and oily but perfect salted popcorn on the kitchen table. They’re calling your name to eat it ALL. So you tell yourself “I can do this” and try to avoid eating any of the treats. It’s going really well until one of your friends notice.
“Don’t you want a couple of some snacks? Here I’ll make a bowl for you”. You hesitate but say “Nah, I’m good, I really want to shred some pounds and get in shape”. Silence. She looks at you like you’re crazy. Laughs and says, “Don’t be silly. You don’t need to lose weight, you haven’t even gained a pound. We can’t have girls night in without snacks. It’s Saturday night? C’mon, you can start on Monday”.
This is a perfect example of a non-supportive friend. Even though she want’s you the best and tells you that you don’t need to lose weight because you look fine, she doesn’t support what you want.
So you need to surround yourself with friends who’ll tell you to go work out when you need to and someone who’ll encourage you to walk passed the candy aisle at Target. I’m not telling you to throw all of you non-supportive friends in the bin, I just want you to spend more time on the friends that are more supportive right now.
Nr. 3: The third factor is self-determination which means having the freedom to choose yourself. To be motivated you need to set a goal that aligns with your own desires and dreams. Have you ever set a goal to impress someone else? Then you might know that your motivation fissile out pretty quickly. Ofcourse you can get motivated by someone else, but if your goal isn’t something you want to achieve for yourself, it just won’t happen.
Your goals need to align with what you value. So, I want you to really consider if this is a goal you want to achieve or if you do it to please someone else.
All of the above is categorized as inner motivational factors, but there are also outer motivational factors.
An outer motivational factor is the outcome that comes from achieving your goal.
So, let’s say you want to lose weight. Your outer factor could be that you’ll feel more confident going to the beach.
Or maybe you want to build self-confidence because you suffer from social anxiety and have a hard time dating. Your outer motivational factor could be building self-confidence, so you can go on a date and meet the love of your life without having a breakdown.
So, think about what out factor that can motivate you to achieve your goal?
2. Are you setting realistic goals?
There is nothing that kills your motivation more than feeling overwhelmed. Why? Because having an overload on stuff on your to-do list is scary. Stressful. Simply too much.
Yet it’s tempting to set 10 goals because you REALLY want to achieve that one thing.
When you set 1 goal, you’re about 80% likely to achieve it, however the minute you set 2 goals at the same time, your likelihood of achieving any of them goes down to half the percentage, if not less. Because it’s overwhelming and it will kill your motivation.
So, I want you to scale down and choose 1 goal, and only stick to that. And remember this goal needs to be manageable. It can be as small as taking deep breaths for 2 minutes once a day.
This will help you keep up your motivation because 1, it feels like a manageable task and 2 it’ll be easier to see wins because you’ll actually do it. When you feel comfortable with this goal, you can set your next goal. But not until it’s become part of your routine!
Which leads us to Nr. 3.
3. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
When your try to find motivation, it can be a great help to have a routine. Routines will help you with sticking to your goal because it becomes a natural part of your day. It’s like brushing your teeth. It isn’t the most exciting thing to do but you still do it twice a day because it’s a part of your daily routine.
So, I encourage you to make your goal a part of your daily routine. This way it’ll feel easy and manageable.
4. Remember why you do it
This is such a cliché, but it works. When you don’t feel like doing what you promised yourself, then you need to remember why you’re doing it! Go back to the first step and focus on that outer goal. What are you looking to achieve in the end? What’s the treat you’ll get at the finish line?
Remembering this can help you with taking a step in the right directions and you’ll feel more motivated to go through with your goal.
You can kick it up a notch and go buy a bunch of colorful stickers. Write your reason on 5 different stickers and post them everywhere! On your mirror, on the fridge, on your bedside table. This will keep reminding you of why you’re doing it.
5. Do you know the 5 second rule?
Have you heard of Mel Robbins? She’s an incredible motivational speaker and she’s invented the 5 second rule.
What she’s saying is that whenever you don’t feel like doing something, you have to count down backwards from 5.
So 5,4,3,2,1 and then take the action you need to get your stuff done.
The rule is simple Mel says “If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it.”
So you gotta take action before your brain pulls the emergency break and convince you why it’s a bad idea.
If you want to know more about the 5 second rule, you have to check out Ted talk where she talks about why people needs to stop saying that they’re “fine” and instead go grab life by the horns.
Do yourself a favor and watch this ted talk, it’s incredibly inspiring and motivational.
Now, I’d love to hear from you. How are you going to make sure you stay motivated so you can reach your goal?
Leave a comment below and let me know.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me.
With great love,