Do these 6 things and build self-confidence that’ll make you jealous of yourself

by | Oct 22, 2018 | Self Confidence | 0 comments

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you but, I used to lie to people about being busy so I didn’t have to hang out with them… The thought of spending an afternoon across someone at a cafe. Nervously picking a croissant a part and coming up with things to say made me sick to my stomach.
 
I’d never go grocery shopping without my headphones. I needed them to pretend that I was listening to loud music so I didn’t have to speak with the cashier.
 
When a friend was calling, I’d wait 30 minutes to pretend that I missed the call. Then I’d reply “Sorry I was busy, what’s up?” So I wouldn’t have to speak on the phone.
 
I’ve spend years letting life pass me by because I was insecure. It left me lonely and unhappy.
 
Until one morning I woke up, made myself a cup of lemon water and decided that something had to change.
 
I started swapping movie nights with reading self-help books. plus I spend my money on therapy instead of on-trend clothes.
 
Over the years I’ve figured out 6 things to do regularly, that will help you build self confidence.  They will change your life. I know, because I live by them every day.
 
But before you dive into them, I want you to remember that everybody feel insecure from time to time. There is nothing wrong with that. Being scared and insecure is a part of being human. It’s okay and it’s normal. What’s not okay it when your insecurity takes over and you’re living an unhappy life.

6 things you should do regularly to build self confidence

1. Find out your values in life

Think back to a time when you dreamed yourself away in another life. Were you in Nike workout gear from top to bottom running a marathon? Was your Abercrombie and fitch boyfriend waiting for you at the finish line?

 How long did it take you to convince yourself that your dream was unrealistic and dumb? Because “I can’t even walk up the stairs without feeling like a life long smoker and when I die no one will notice”.
 
Ignoring your dreams is common but it will destroy your self esteem. You’re holding yourself back because of fear and the belief that you don’t deserve it.
 
When you ignore what you want, you’re telling yourself that you’re not worth it. This is one thing that gets in your way of building self confidence. That’s why it’s important to figure out your core values in life so you know what you need to thrive.
 
Is there anything in your life that you want, but you don’t take time for yourself to make this happen?
Action step: 
Bring out pen and paper and write down 10 things you values.
Then cut it down to 7 things, then 5 and lastly 3. You can cut out 10 pieces of paper and move them around in the order you like.
If you need inspiration I’ve found a great core value list with over 50 common personal values you can get inspired from.
When you’ve found your core values take action. How will you make sure that you incorporate these into your life starting today and moving forward? 
2. Spend time to quiet your mind every day
Imagine that you’re sitting across your friend at Olive Garden. She orders a Caesar salad and you’re having your regular bowl of spaghetti Carbonara. As you’ve stuffed your mouth with the juiciest piece of bacon you could find, your friend lights up and say. “I’ve decided to hire a personal trainer because I want to run a marathon by June. You stare at her for 5 seconds, laugh and say “That’s stupid. You can’t run a marathon. You’ll give up half way through and then your friends will laugh at you for even trying. Don’t do it”.
 
Both of these people are in your head. I look at them as the angel and the devil. One of them is supportive and loving. The other one is negative and self destructive.
 
Why am I telling you this? Because you’re having a conversation with yourself, in your head, all the time. If you’re not aware of your thoughts, then 90% of the time you’re taring yourself down, like the example above. This is hurting your self confidence.
 
Mindfulness is a great way to become aware of your thoughts so you can make sure that they are friendly and loving. It can help you slow down your thoughts so you know what you’re thinking. I spend quiet time by meditating or doing yoga. I practice one or the other every day. Being self aware is the most important step to building self confidence. If you’re only taking away one thing from this blog post, let it be this.
Action step: 
Decide what way you want to stay mindful through out your day. You can even try different things and see what you enjoy the most.

Building self-confidence can be hard, this worksheet will make it simple.

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3. Figure out your style  
When was the last time you took time the evening before to plan your outfit? If you’ve got a busy life it can be hard to even find two pairs of matching socks. But putting in the effort makes a huge difference in how you feel about yourself.
I’ve spend lots of money on clothes I don’t feel comfortable in. It still has the tag on and is collecting dust in my closet. But clothes can either make you feel great or terrible about yourself. That’s why it’s important to figure out your style.
You may be surprised when you find your own style, but it’s fun! I’ve always admired people who would ware prints and crazy clothes. But I found out that my style is much more like Victoria Beckhame’s. Stylish but simple. This has saved me lots of time running around in clothing store not knowing what to get. And it saved me lots of money buying stuff I hate.
Action step: 
1. Go to Pinterest and create a new board and call it “Style inspiration”. You can make it secret if you don’t want anyone to see it. Spend 20-30 minutes pinning anything that catches your eye styling wise. 2. When you’re done. Compare the outfits you pinned and find out what ties them all together. Is it specific colors? Prints? Accessories? 3. Now go do a closet purge. Get rid of anything you haven’t worn in a year or anything that doesn’t align with your style. Now you’ve got a whole new wardrobe filled with clothes that you love. This will boost your self confidence. 4. Spend time with people you love: I’m great at starting conversations and I love a good laugh. Yet as I’ve grown older spending time with people felt like a battlefield. On my way to a friends house I’d always imagine that I would trip and fall or get run over by a bus so I had to go to the hospital. It was the fear of not being good enough or not saying the right things. Thinking like this made me loose a lot of friends. I’d isolate myself and never leave my house. I started to get picky about who I wanted to hang out with. There was nothing wrong with my friends, it was my own way of keeping myself safe because I was scared to hang out with them. What better way to isolate myself than to blame the discomfort on my friends?  Yet, today getting out of my house is what keeps me sane and makes me realize that the thoughts in my head are wrong. When I socialize I remember how nice it feels and how much I love it. So I encourage you to spend time with people that you love. Prove the negative voices in your head wrong. Prove to yourself that you’ve got this and that you’re a lovely person. Because I know that you are.
Action step: 
Pick up your phone right now and ask 1 friend to hang out. I want you to make this step a consistent one. So make a deal with yourself about hanging out with someone at least twice a month. It’s okay to start small.
5. Take care of your body  Can you relate to the struggle of balancing steamed broccoli and creamy chocolate? If it sounds familiar it’s because you’re not alone. The last 7 days I’ve been bad at taking care of myself. I’ve been eating chunky monkey Ben & Jerrys ice-cream every evening. Not to mention the hotdogs I’ve had for dinner. Eating this way made it hard for me to sleep. I woke up tired eating more bad food and passing on exercising.  My apartment hadn’t looked so messy in months and I felt anxious. Balancing the long to do list you already have can make your head hurt. But taking the time to figure out what your body needs is important. The result will blow your socks off. It can both help you gain clarity on what you need to thrive and build your self confidence. Every piece of the self care puzzle plays a big role in your life. That’s why it’s important to identify how you need to take care of your body to thrive. The questions down below will help you figure out how your puzzle should look. Action step:  Bring out pen an paper and answer the following questions. What foods make me feel good? How often do I need to move my body in order for me to feel good? What time to I need to go to sleep at night for me to be well rested in the morning? How much water to I need to drink in order to stay sharp and hydrated all day? 6. Check in with yourself every day Every night before I go to bed I turn on my fake candle and grab my pink journal from my night stand. I take a deep breath to tune out any distracting thoughts and ask myself; “How are you feeling right now?” I write down anything that comes to mind. If anything happened doing the day, I need to address it to find peace in my mind. Keeping a journal is a great way to get another perspective of any negative thoughts you’re carrying around. Writing it out can help you look at it with fresh eyes and calm yourself down. It’s a great way to reflect on any thoughts or situations that are causing you stress. Action step: Buy a journal and a pen and take 5 minutes to answer to following questions. How am I feeling right now? How was my day? What worries me? Am I holding on to something I need to let go of? What happened today that made me happy? What am I looking forward to? Reflection on your day like this can help to keep yourself calm and centered. It can help becoming aware of what stresses you out.

Now, I’d love to hear from you. Which part of this post resonated with you most and why? What can you do to turn that insight into action right now?

 

Leave a comment below and let me know and remember to share as much detail as possible when you reply. Many others come here each week for insight and motivation and your story may help someone else.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

With great love, Xo Anna

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