The Truth About Self Confidence And How To Improve It

by | Jul 14, 2018 | Self Confidence | 4 comments

Tell me something you want to achieve. Yes, dream big. C’mon what is it?

OUT LOUD PLEASE!

I’ll do it with you.

I wanna run a marathon. One day.. Maybe next year.. when I’ve lost weight, and don’t have so much work to do..

Darn it, does this only happen to me? C’mon we’re on the 2nd base, we can be honest with each other! (Not the naughty way, keep those dirty thoughts to yourself)

Anywho, someone is being a real party pooper and is telling me that I can shove my dream up where the sun doesn’t shine.

It’s the devil on my right shoulder, Hellooooooo!

My devil have some lovely personality traits, ready?

 

It is:

Insecure

Scared

A pessimist

A terrible friend

Known for saying NO

A dream crusher

not someone you’d like to introduce to your mother in law

No one wants to hang around someone like that all day! Unfortunately, many of us do without even knowing it! I don’t want to be friends with someone like that, do you? Nuh uh. So how do we give our inner devil the boot and who gave it a first class ticket to sit on our shoulder in the first place?

The truth about self-confidence:

When you were a child and jumped out of your mamas hu-ha, you knew that you were a goddess!

‘I am ready to take on this world, like the beautiful baby that I am, where is my red carpet??’

You loved your crochet toes and wouldn’t dare to hide them away in smelly tennis shoes. Non the less, that big belly of yours was your greatest treasure!

All in all, life was hella good.

Uh-oh, what was that? Did my mom just tell me to not play with my lucky charms or else ill get sent to my room? I am gonna fight her and keep playing with them.

WHAAAAAT, I CAN’T HAVE ICE CREAM BECAUSE IT’LL MAKE ME GAIN WEIGHT? But look at me, I’m fabulous!

Unfortunately, with time, this great confidence you have will fade away and you’ll start to believe what your mama tells you and bam, your insecurities were born. You’ll get the idea that you should act and behave a certain way, for your mama to love you. All of the confidence you had as a child, went right out the window. Bye byeeee.

The truth is that your parents are actually part of why you have bad self-confidence.

 

WHAT ARE SURVIVAL STRATEGIES?

Did you ever tell yourself “I am a big girl and I don’t need ANYBODY but myself”?

It’s alright, I did too. However, you’re not fooling anybody, because we all need to be loved. This is why we develop survival strategies as a result of our fear of being left alone.

If you’re constantly told to stop doing something or else you’ll get sent to your room. You’ll eventually be too scared of being left by your mom and stop doing them once and for all. No more playing with your lucky charms, boring huh?

Kids are also incredible at sensing how their parents are actually feeling. Therefore you could sense as a child if your dad thought that you were too much when you were sad. You’d eventually believe that it isn’t okay to show your sad and vulnerable side. As a result, you’d begin to always have a smile on your face, even if you weren’t happy, just to be sure that your daddy-o, would approve of you.

This would be your new survival strategy to make sure that you are always loved and accepted.

Throughout your life, you learn what behaviors are acceptable and which aren’t. As a result, you’ll close the doors to different parts of yourself and tell yourself that this part is forbidden because others won’t accept it.

That rockstar baby you were, whenever you were born is broken inside. Now the baby believes that it has to be a certain way to be accepted. This is your inner child. That rock star baby is still a part of you, waiting to let loose the baby hair and dance through life.

But will you let it?

Heck yeah!

(I answered for you, sorry … not sorry)

 

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How to improve your self-confidence by re-parenting your inner child?

Let’s let your inner rock star free! It’s about time, don’t ya think? To do this, it’s time for you to re-parent your inner child aka yourself! You need to re-parent yourself. I know your mom and daddy Joe did their very best at raising you, but let’s be honest, not everything they taught you is useful today.

It’s time to blur the lines a bit and loosen up!

Anywho, now let’s get to the fun stuff. From now on YOU’RE your own parent and you tell yourself what’s okay and what’s not okay. No one else, but yourself. You wanna eat a whole bucket of ice cream in one go? Do it, you deserve it because you’re a badass and your body is beautiful no matter what. Have you always dreamed of being an artist, but doubted yourself because you were told you had no talent and that being an artist isn’t a ‘real’ job. (Whatever that means).

Sqrew it, if you believe that you’re an artist, then go be that!

It’s time to let go of ANY limited beliefe about yourself. Your new motto should be ‘I can do this’. Put it on your mirror. Print it on your t-shirt. Tattoo it on your forehead.

Live by it every day! Love yourself and believe that you are good enough, NO MATTER WHAT.

Helpful exercises to practice daily:

I know you are a rock star, but even rock stars need to have daily rituals to pamper themselves. Therefore I’ve got some great ones for you, on the days where you’re feeling down. Maybe even practice them when you are feeling great!

By doing these exercises, you will get rid of your evil devil on your shoulder. With time (and dedication) your kind and confident voice will give your devil the boot. See ya, don’t wanna be ya!

This will set you free from your own limits and build strong self-confidence.

The exercise: 

Every time you’re in doubt about yourself, bring out a pen and paper and write down what you worry about. Underneath, I want you to fill the paper with loving and caring words as your own amazing parent.

Example:

Evil devil:  

I am useless. I failed my math test and now I just suck. This is embarrassing.

Loving and caring parent: 

x (your name), I love you and you did the very best you could. I support you and love you no matter what. It is okay to do badly on a test, and nothing is wrong with you. You are good enough just the way you are.

See how the loving parent calms you down and makes you feel good?

If you practice this every day consistently, I promise you that your self-confidence will go through the roof!

 

Comment below and let me know what inner doubt (or inner devil) holds you back from building strong self-confidence?

Related reading: Self-development: How to achieve your dreams

 

Lær hvordan at du med simple redskaber kan håndtere dine negative tanker, så du kan få overskud, føle dig selvsikker og leve livet med lethed.

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